Your Thirties Are Better Than Your Twenties
And you may have to live it to really know it.
How did we get here?
I started getting heavily tattooed when I was twenty years old. Over a few years, I worked mainly with one tattoo artist named Josh. He was about fifteen years older than me, and we spent many, many hours together as he drew really hard on my arms and legs. One of our earlier conversations was about age differences—he was adamant that the fourth decade of a person’s life was much more enjoyable than their third. I listened to his reasons, but I, being a cocky younger person, dismissed several of his claims out of my inexperienced certainty. He frequently laughed at me and told me I’d come around one day. He loved to say, “You’ll agree when you grow up.”
Well, I will be thirty-nine this year. And…Josh was right.
Your thirties are infinitely better than your twenties.
It comes down to perspective.
Many people fall prey to this idealized notion that one’s twenties are supposed to be the best years of their life. I know this experience isn’t the same for everyone, but for many people, their college years and those that immediately follow are filled with intense learning, both academically and personally; this period of varied education helps build who we become. There are lots of studies that detail extended adolescence and its impact on millennials and Gen Z, but whether these young adults grow up quickly or slowly, this decade is filled with experiments, mistakes, and, hopefully, lots of play.
In a previous newsletter, I detailed why it’s important to play, and that belief remains. While having a good time is imperative to growth, I also think this is why people assume their twenties are the best years of their lives; they’re experimenting, succeeding, stumbling, and enjoying the ride as much as possible.
But I think this is why these ten years are simply the prelude to the real show.
Thirty, Flirty, and Thriving?
I said that it takes real lived experience to understand the point of this little essay. I know I had to live it to know it, and I have spoken about this with others my age who agree.
But why?
Decade milestones don’t actually mean much in terms of growth and development, but they are good psychological markers. Multiples of ten feel good in our brain (insert subtle support for the metric system here). Personally, I’m not a big birthday celebrator, but people go wild for those endcap ages like thirty.
So, again…why must you live it to know it?
It comes down to the applications of lessons learned. Yes, we tend to have lots of great experiences when we’re younger; we feel free, we feel untouchable, and the whole world is at our fingertips.
But then we fail. We deal with real loss, be it financial, or emotional, or physical, or an actual life. We deal with the consequences of our actions on the same levels, and we see our friends deal with them. We excel in our careers or find new ones. Whether or not we feel stable financially, emotionally, or physically, we’ve mostly acquired the skills to handle the results.
Whether or not we internally feel confident handling these problems, the confidence has been built by time and experience. None of this is our first rodeo. I think this is the biggest separation between the decades.
We also have stories.
I remember being a child and hearing my father talk about someone with whom he’s been friends for twenty-five years and thinking, “What is it like to know someone for that long?” Well, now I have those friends, too. I’ve had a core group for multiple decades and have watched them evolve and grow alongside me. It’s beautiful and strange.
Our memories are wider and deeper, having had time to develop and marinate and evolve along with us. Feelings of hurt or betrayal have lessened with time, and become simple experiences, decreasing in severity.
There will always be room for surprises and new experiences, but we handle them with more grace as we age, and I find that to be absolutely splendid. I feel a greater sense of purpose and certainty than I ever have. I am grateful for all my experiences, even the bad ones, as they have shaped who I am today.
I know so much more about myself. I know how I react, I know how I feel, I know what I can tolerate while also leaving myself open to growth. Of course, I still struggle sometimes. To some degree, we all are and always will be. We are constantly changing and evolving, and I hope to continually grow and learn in the same ways. But I am grateful for all I’ve learned along the way.
Aging is different now than it was for past generations, and this is a larger topic that I’ll likely explore later. As I progress through the end of my thirties, I am excited about my forties in a way that the pop culture and movies and television of my youth didn’t prepare me to be. I was warned that being oVeR tHe HiLL at forty was a dreary existence; I do not believe it.
I am very hopeful about what’s next.
What Excites Me
One of our favorite bookstores is Reparations Club. I’ve linked to their web store a few times in my book recommendations. They have a lovely shop run by the nicest people, and they have created a supportive, creative space by and for Black women. This leads me to what I’m excited about.
A few months ago, I saw that they host every bookworm’s dream: a monthly reading club called Read the Room that allows you to “read what you want, alone, together.”
Most readers want the serenity of reading alone. By building a collective that allows for alone time without being physically without other humans, Rep.Club has created a supportive and welcoming place for the community to grow.
We haven’t gone yet, as they quickly sell out (tickets are low-cost and donation-based to keep it accessible). This popularity is proof that Read the Room is a very welcome gift for Rep.Club’s community.
Unsolicited Recommendations
Great Articles I Read This Week
What I’m Listening To Right Now
Like many people my age, I grew up on Weird Al music videos, so by the time “Amish Paradise” came out in 1996, I was primed and ready to watch the glorious Pennsylvanian scenes unfold. Bad Hair Day was the first album of his that I owned on CD, and boy, did it help shape my entire life.
I don't exaggerate when I say that Weird Al is a comedic genius and one of the best performers of all time. I’ve now seen him three times, and each performance was a beautiful, unrivaled spectacle. No other performer blends comedy and music so well, and while I have lots and lots of favorite songs, this album has to be the most memorable to me.
One of my favorite songs from the record (and of Al’s) is the second track, “Everything You Know Is Wrong.” It’s perfectly wild and silly, like Al himself, who has never shied away from being true to himself. Coincidentally, he was thirty-seven years old when this album was released, making it very fitting for this week.
Listen here:
Which Books Have My Attention
The Last Unicorn, by Peter S. Beagle
From the Caves, by Thea Prieto
These are the next two books on the docket. Although I saw the 1982 animated film as a child, I’ve never actually read The Last Unicorn until now. One of my favorite fantasy authors, Patrick Rothfuss, has long listed this book as one of his all-time favorites, and I’m finally diving into this beautiful 1979 edition Tabatha got for me!
From the Caves is the last unread book from my collection of AWP 2023 purchases. Over the last year, I’ve grown more and more excited about the possibilities of microfiction and novellas for my own creative output, and I’m excited to clear this one from my shelf.
I’m also coming up on a pretty monumental anniversary. I’m stoked for next week!
Getting older is WILD. I always heard adults say they'd never go back to being younger, given the opportunity, and I was baffled. But I get it now. You're right about 30s being better than 20s. I'm turning 40 at the end of the year and hope that I keep gaining perspective.